Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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