Whatcha textin bout Willis?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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