I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
