You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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