I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
