Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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