Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize