I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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