we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
