every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
