the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
