Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize