If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
