Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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