Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
