Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
