just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
