I just made out with a guy for $7.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
