angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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