I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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