mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
