So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize