4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
