he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
