hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
