This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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