my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
