i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
its liver damage thursday
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
