Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i out mim tonsoeep
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
