remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
