don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
