I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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