Jerry, you need to find god
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize