my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
