We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
