She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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