She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
