So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
