tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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