sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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