I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
