fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i've created a new STD.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize