I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
