I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
