I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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