Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
