Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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