so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
