i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
