My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
