dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize