I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Oh god it's open bar.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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