I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
