Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
