After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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