What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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