o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
