And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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