My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
