I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
