she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
