You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
