i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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