Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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