I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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