Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
