so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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