meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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