I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
