Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize