guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize