maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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